Weight of the World


I recently got a C in my practice maths exam. It completely shook me. I actually left my maths class in tears and ended up bawling my eyes out on the phone to my father who sympathetically reassured me that life was going to be okay. This was certainly an interesting sight, watching a moderately large guy cry his eyes out in class. My thoughts spiralled into an endless persecution in which I believed I was going to go nowhere in my life and would end up working in Swindon train station or something along those lines. But in reality why is it that every single decision that we seem to make at this age feels like it is going to completely influence everything in the future and it all hangs on what we do at 17? I suppose I just wanted to reassure people that this is not the case. Our choices may feel huge and completely influential but in the big picture they are meaningless. Whether or not you take or leave maths A level is not going to be the end result in whether or not you are happy later in life. My mum always told me that we have no clue what we are going to do when we grow, for fucks sake you could end up own a chain surf shop off the coast of Miami. This shouldn't weigh down or make you feel like your emotion and pain is worthless because it completely isn't. These decisions do feel huge and it is okay to feel distraught when something goes wrong or not to plan. But the way in which you bounce back and look at these things objectively is the key to being happy. It's not about the end result, it's about the journey. You should take this anger and confusion and drive it towards the fact that you are going to get the fuck back up and continue what you are doing and just enjoy the process. Everybody is in the same boat and just as confused as you, but look at the reality that your parents almost certainly went though the same process and their parents went through it and it turned out completely okay. Happiness and success can't be artificially created but it has to organically come about through a multitude of experiences. You can never really be happy unless you relax into the situation and just accept what comes. I'm not saying that you shouldn't try or work hard but merely do what you love and let the things fall into place rather than forcing things and trying to make others happy rather than yourself. Just do what you love and the path will lead itself. Anyways, just peace out and go listen to Drake and have a bath in the meantime while the shit calms down. 

Yours lovingly,

Jamie